What are the causes of Jealousy in relationships? Why would anyone be jealous in their relationship? Why? Certainly, we all know what jealousy is and probably have gotten jealous in our relationship at one time or the other. It is that feeling that we have at that moment when we feel that what we share with someone special is being threatened by another and we fear that our place may be filled by another. It’s only natural to feel this way when you are in love, as a matter of fact, there is no jealousy where hatred lives.
Causes of jealousy in relationships is really not diverse, they are things that we can easily understand. For the most part, it is a resultant effect of trust issues. People get jealous when trust is flagged. The trust issue can either be with oneself or with one’s partner. The trust issue that triggered the jealousy is usually expressed in three different ways which we are going to refer to as the causes of jealousy in relationships.
Insecurity in itself is the root of all jealousy. If anyone was secure, such would hardly be jealous over anything. Insecurity will make anyone feel they are not having enough or that what belongs to them is being shared by someone else, making them feel threatened. Feelings of insecurity is the major driver behind jealousy in relationships. When you begin to question the love, the feelings your partner has for you, then these are signs of insecurity which may also be linked to low self-esteem.
Insecurity and low self-esteem is already there, they only just get triggered. Most of the time, neglect (whether actual or imagined), can trigger jealousy. It is possible for your partner to be having a tough time at work and as such be unable to meet your needs emotionally, this doesn’t automatically translate to having affairs but for someone who is insecure, jealousy may be triggered out of thoughts that their partner has not been able to meet their needs because they are having an affair.
At other times, simply glancing at the opposite sex or talking to the opposite sex can trigger jealousy because of the insecurity and low self-esteem that is already in place.
Your love relationship with your partner can grow so strong that you can start imagining what life will be without your partner. If such thoughts are pushed beyond healthy boundaries, fear can set in and such fears can drive you to extreme levels of jealousy in relationships that may make you misbehave. While this fear can help by preventing you from taking your partner for granted, it can also make you stalk him/her and all their actions just because you are not sure they are not seeing someone else. When you start feeling like your partner may want to replace you, it is time to talk through it with your partner or seek professional help.
Fear doesn’t really help anything. It is better for you to just be sure that your partner cares than to start projecting into what is not real. The problem is, the moment you start thinking your partner may want to replace you, you will start doing things that will get him or her upset such as bringing up arguments and questioning every move they make.
Humans are naturally competitive, it helps us forge ahead for excellence. As a matter of fact, competition is built into life in a way. However, this must be observed within healthy bounds. However, when unchecked, jealousy could sprout. The moment you start getting jealous of a colleague or a friend who seems to be doing better than you, then there is a problem. Competition can make you, as a lady, start spending all of your earnings on buying clothes, just because you think another lady across the street dresses better than you and may be catching your partner’s attention.
The simple solution to competition is to strive to be who you are. You are not someone else and seriously, no one can beat you in your own game. India Arie said in one of her songs, Just Do You, “If you create the game, then you create the rules. If you would just be you, there is no way you can lose”. This is very true. Stop trying to imagine your partner will love you more or less if you dressed or looked one way or the other. If you keep thinking this way, you will find yourself getting into fight with anyone of the opposite sex that your partner approaches or talks with; you will be there imagining those people are better than you and that will bring serious headache, born out of jealousy.
The causes of jealousy are either born out of fear, insecurity or competition! Take a look at these three causes of jealousy and see which applies to you. Once you can identify what causes your own jealousy, it is easy to find out how to handle jealousy in your relationships.